I was in a group video chat the other day and someone asked the question “how do you even have a conversation these days with people who don’t think the way we do?” I didn’t have an immediate obvious answer, but it got me thinking. Because it is so hard today to establish Truth in a way that everyone can point at and agree or disagree with, it puts BELIEF front and center. What do I believe? What do others believe? And in order to Respect those whom we’re speaking with, and to seek their Respect in return, it is critical to not only listen to what they say, but to also seek to understand it, and even to actively consider whether they are right and we are wrong. When we enter conversations like this motivated by Love, we can push aside fear of rejection or being wrong. And others will respond with Love in kind. So here is my take on how to have a conversation to seek Truth, using Respect, with Love:
Ask questions that are honest and heartfelt and intended to learn more about the person and what they believe to be true.
Listen intently and openly and gently ask “Why and how do you believe that?” if they don’t first offer those insights.
Say back your best understanding of what they told you, focusing on the most significant point or two, and ask if you understood correctly. This understanding is likely the most important part of the whole interaction!
Actively consider the validity of what they said, compare it to your own beliefs and test the two internally.
Honestly offer your take on the issue by saying “I believe that … because …”. It is okay to agree or disagree with what they said, but stick to stating your beliefs and the reasons for them.
Invite questions from them in return. Respond openly and honestly. Speak Truth. Use Respect. Share Love.
People believe things for different reasons. Sometimes it is based on evidence, perhaps statistics, photos, videos, testimony, or other documentation. Sometimes it is based on a gut feeling, an experience, a perception, or the influence of other people. If we are open, we can be swayed by any combination of the above, and it may lead to Truth. Likewise, if we offer compelling reasoning, it may sway others towards our understanding of Truth. But often we rush to prove ourselves right and that demands proving others to be wrong. Doesn’t it seem nearly impossible these days to convince anyone of anything that goes against their core beliefs or accepted narratives? I have heard earnest well-meaning people on both sides insist that people on the other side are brainwashed and must be “deprogrammed.” Can anyone deprogram anyone else these days? [imagine best Morpheus voice}: What if I told you … we can only deprogram ourselves?